Pure Romance = Pure Fun

A couple of days ago I hosted the most entertaining party I have ever had at my house. Ever! There were five of us- all ladies around 30 years old- and a Pure Romance consultant. I signed up to host a party after visiting the Women's Expo back in April. The consultant, Nancy, told me that her presentation would last about an hour and would be educational. She also insisted there be no men or children in the house during said presentation. My friends and I were pretty excited- one of us had been to a Passion Party, and another had been to a Pure Romance party a while back- and VERY curious about the education we would experience (we are all teachers, after all). Besides getting to sample lotions/oils that actually tasted good (I was skeptical until the party), one friend picked up a book about 101 different positions- amazing, since between the five of us, we could only think of five or six without the book's help. Wow! There was a lot of laughing, but also a lot of educational information! So much that I still haven't yet shared it all with George, who was amused by the fact that I was having what he called a "porn party." I think I surprised myself too...but so glad I did! Though my girlfriends and I can be quite fun, I think Nancy is the reason the party was such a success. Anyone interested should take a look at her website: www.nancywharton.pureromance.com.

P-O-T-T-Y!

My son, Alexander, is 42 months old. For the last two weeks or so, he has been POTTY TRAINED (during the day- at night we are still using Pull-Ups because my son sleeps like me, and that means that the house could burn down and he probably wouldn’t notice. The house alarm went off once and my dear son didn’t even move!). I have had pretty much NO life, as I have been focused on making this potty business happen.Now I am trying to figure out how to transition from this little potty to the big, “grown up” potty. Needless to say, Alex will NOT use the potty if we are out in public. He didn’t start refusing until George took him to the restroom in Home Depot and the automatic toilet flushed while he was on it, scaring Alex to death. He has only used the “grown up” potty once, at his doctor’s office, and that’s only because I dragged him to the bathroom three times and held him up in front of the toilet. His doctor (I just love her!) did share with me that most of the kiddos she sees who are Alex’s age are not potty trained. I was surprised. That means that a lot of people lie about whether their kids are or not and/or I have only run into the mothers of overachievers!

I have purchased a portable potty that I will make Alex start using all the time, and maybe I’ll be able to go somewhere for more than an hour because he’ll actually use the porta-potty. I’m not getting my hopes up, though. After all, we’ve been working on potty training since Alex was two...so based on that timeline, he should be using the “grown up” potty by the time he starts kindergarten!

For those who are anxiously waiting for this magical potty use to begin (really, I can’t think of anything more exciting that he’s done since he started walking!), check out http://www.3daypottytraining.com. At first I balked at the idea of paying for the guide, but it turned out to be the straw that broke the camel’s back!

Since the last time I wrote....

I've been sick. Not the whole time, but significantly most of the time. In fact, I'm not at work right now because I have strep throat AGAIN! (I'm reconsidering my career as an educator due to the health risks.)

 

I ended up not going to my eleventh high school reunion for totally unbelievable and random reasons. As I was getting dressed (I'd purchased a new skirt to wear a week before), I twirled around in front of the mirror and something caught my eye: the round ink tag was still on the bottom of the skirt! George laughed at me and offered to take it (the tag, naturally) off, but seeing as how that could have ruined my skirt (and hurt him, of course), I declined his offer. I frantically searched for the receipt, but of course, it was gone. Luckily, I still had the price tag with the "must be present for return" sticker on it. I called Macy's (not a very helpful customer service line, by the way) and was told that if I brought in the skirt, its price tag, and the credit card on which I made the purchase, they could take off the ink tag for me. Well, at this point it was 6:50 (and the reunion was supposed to start at 7 pm).

 

My husband, still laughing, tried to calm me down (at this point I was pretty riled up), and convinced me that the aforementioned skirt could be replaced by another skirt, or even a pair of pants. I reluctantly changed to a pair of slacks.  By the time we made it outside to get into our truck, Alex decided that he wanted to stay at home. So we had to coax him back outside. It took a lot of promises to go to the train park and a couple chocolate chip cookies (he's obsessed with trains and chocolate, or pretty much anything sweet).

 

That's when I spotted two baby birds, huddled in the rock, right next to our driveway. It had been windy, so we figured they'd been blown out of their nest, which likely was in the tree right next to our driveway. George, who grew up on a farm and is known as the "Animal Whisperer" at work, was adamant about helping them to survive. In the past, we've taken found birds to the Wildlife Rescue, but seeing as how it was a Saturday night, I doubted they'd be open. So as I was seriously considering letting the poor birds fend for themselves (something I'm sorry to admit), my husband got gloves and a shoebox out of the garage, scooped them up and ordered me to call 411 for the number of the Wildlife Rescue. We sat in the truck for about 15 minutes as I waited for the 411 operator to tell me that she couldn't find a listing, and then George decided to put the box back up in the tree to protect the birds from coyotes and cats (I've never seen a cat in our neighborhood, and haven't seen a coyote since they started building houses in the desert that used to be across the street a year ago- but this was not the time to engage in a debate with George).

 

By then, it was almost 7:30 pm. My husband, satisfied that he'd done all he could for the birds, smiled over at me and asked if I still want to go to the reunion. I'm one of those who believes in signs from God, and at this point I was not sure what God was trying to tell me, but I said okay, and we headed off to my parents' house to drop off Alex. When we got there, my parents were watching a not-appropriate-for-a-three-year-old movie, and when I asked that they put in a Dora the Explorer DVD instead, my father and mother got into an argument and I was tempted to take my son and run.

 

Finally, at about 7:50 pm, everyone calmed down and my son settled in to watch his much-loved Dora. George and I left my parents' house and got in the truck to go to the reunion. We were almost there when we saw a DPS officer who'd pulled over two cars. At that point, I turned to my husband and suggested we just go to dinner somewhere nice, since we were both dressed up. He obliged, and we had a nice, quiet dinner, after which we picked up my son and went home.

 

A week later, the baby birds grew up (their parents came each day and fed them) and looked like adult birds, and then they flew away.

 

So I don't really know how the reunion went. But I guess I'm thrilled that we saved the lives of two birds who otherwise wouldn't have survived because of high winds, coyotes, and/or cats.

 

J

Yikes!

My 11th high school reunion is on April 26th. The fact that it's the 11th year and not the 10th speaks volumes about what type of event it may very well be and what sort of group is hosting it (at least, in my opinion). The Class of '97 never was good about this sort of thing- we were probably the only Senior Class in the history of Greenway High School Homecomings to lose the Homecoming Float competition four years in a row....to the class behind us, which also happens to be my overachieving sister's Class.

I have until this Wednesday to decide if I want to go to the aforementioned celebration. George has already ageed to go with me as my "trophy husband" (thoughtful, isn't he?) and I have an idea what I might wear. But I have mixed feelings about going. First, I have kept in touch with everyone I care about from my high school days (for the most part). If I go to the reunion, my luck dictates that I will run into people who I have been grateful to be away from for the past 11 years. Like my stalker (whose name escapes me), to whom Brent Simmons unwittingly gave my phone number during Senior year (though it's possible that he'll be unable to attend because he may or may not be incarcerated). Second, those I haven't kept in touch with happen to have MySpace pages, so I can at least talk to them a little. And there's nothing wrong with a little distance to keep things friendly. Third, I weigh about 80 lbs. more than I did when I graduated from high school, which doesn't matter to me as much as I thought it would, but I know I will notice if someone appears to be 80 lbs. heavier. I won't judge them for being heavier, but I do know that I will notice (and comment to George) if they don't look good or happy. I'm not so sure that I look so good, and these days I don't look too happy. And I'm certainly not as cute and young as I was (though my homeopathic doctor told me last week that I'm looking radiant- George thought he was hitting on me, which makes his compliment questionable and slightly less valid). Finally, I was such a go-getter in high school (though it was at the expense of my sanity, well-being, and sense of calm...NO ONE knew about my home life or my depression). I was the prom queen my senior year (that year we were the Duke and Duchess) and was nominated for homecoming queen. I sang the National Anthem at my graduation. I was the Rotary Student of the Year. I could go on and on to point out everything I used to be that I am not any longer. I was amazing and competitive, and I don't feel like much of either any more. These days, my grandest achievements are my son, but I can no longer attribute my body size to baby weight, plus his being adorable is really none of my doing, as I have no control over my genetics; my 8 year marriage that has, quite frankly, seen better days; and my ability to not hide under the covers or in my closet on a bad day. I actually avoid the types of things on which I thrived in high school (and even college). My life is sooooooo different from what it was, and thankfully so. Where it was once frenzied and complex, it is now simple and blessedly uneventful. If I was sure that the reunion won't be a "who's done the most amazing things?" contest, I would go in a heartbeat.

In my mind, a little voice is pointing out that all of what I've mentioned above could be true for other reunion attendees. But unless I can convince myself that 11 years has mellowed everyone out, I likely won't be going. Then again, no one is so on top of it that this happened last year, like it should have, so maybe there's hope!

The Trains Have Taken Over!

It's been a while. Since the last time I wrote, I suffered the effects of the Writers' Strike (lots of Noggin kiddie shows and reality TV), witnessed my husband spend about $500 on Thomas the Tank Engine paraphinalia (sp?) for our son, officially decided to postpone my Ed.D. and persue a Masters from NAU, and have survived a very ugly period in my marriage. Actually, that's not over yet...but out of respect for my husband, I will refrain from commenting on that here.

Mood wise, I have been stable. I am so proud to type that! I have my periods of woe, but I can pick myself up out of them. I'm even beginning to get over my fear that I could slip back into a depressive episode at any moment, because I know that I can control my thinking, which affects my feelings.

Now that my mood isn't holding me hostage, the trains have taken over my home and my life. Here's a picture to help you imagine:


That particular picture isn't as good at showing exactly how much STUFF we now have in our living room area. Here's another:


At first I was intrigued by these wooden trains with facial features, but now I think I've become disenchanted. I can't even remember what my house looked like pre-Alex!

My one comforting thought is that I might be able to make a pretty penny on all the trains and the accessories on Ebay...

getting in touch with my inner child

I have been waiting ALL week to see the Fairly OddParents episode in which Cosmo and Wanda have a baby. I don’t know if it’s because it’s a show about a baby, or because it’s animated (I do have a thing for children’s shows, like Spongebob Squarepants or Little Bill), but I have REALLY been wanting to see this. And now it’s on, so I’m watching it as Alex tries to convince me to let him have two cookies.

Happy Superbowl Sunday!

God helps those who persevere.

-The Qur'an

 

 

Maybe it's getting a little out of hand...

Here's another bunch of pretty neat quizzes and my results:

http://www.outofservice.com/music-personality-test/

http://www.outofservice.com/music-personality-test/results/?complex=92&edgy=24&fun=74&energetic=35

http://www.outofservice.com/morality/

http://www.outofservice.com/morality/results/?morality=76&political=84&social=82&o=76&c=25&e=74&a=69&n=80

The ultimate quiz

http://www.outofservice.com/bigfive

My results:
http://www.outofservice.com/bigfive/results/?o=70&c=25&e=79&a=69&n=76

A great poem

New Beginnings
By: Helen Steiner Rice

How often we wish for another chance
to have a fresh beginning
A chance to blot out our mistakes
and change failure into winning.
It does not take a new year
to make a brand new start.
It only takes the deep desire
to try with all your heart.
To live a little better
and to always be forgiving
To add a little "sunshine"
to the world in which we are living.
So, never give up in despair
and think that you are through,
For there's always a tomorrow
and a chance to start anew.

 

 

Okay, here are some more...

You Are 92% Democrat

You are a card carrying Democrat, and a pretty far left one at that! There's no chance anyone would ever mistake you for a Republican.

How Democrat Are You?

What Your Favorite Color Orange Says About You:

Joyful --- Enthusiastic --- Optimistic Outgoing --- Accepting --- Confident Loud --- Unruly --- Impulsive

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2

"Sky falls, you feel like It's a beautiful day Don't let it get away" You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments. And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.

What's Your Theme Song?

You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ESFP)

Your personality type is playful, charming, open minded, and energetic. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 9% of all women and 5% of all men You are Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Your Superpower Should Be Mind Reading

You are brilliant, insightful, and intuitive. You understand people better than they would like to be understood. Highly sensitive, you are good at putting together seemingly irrelevant details. You figure out what's going on before anyone knows that anything is going on! Why you would be a good superhero: You don't care what people think, and you'd do whatever needed to be done Your biggest problem as a superhero: Feeling even more isolated than you do now

What Should Your Superpower Be?

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty highly. You're completely devoted to your friends and family. Even if they totally screw up, you're still there for them. Just make sure they're equally loyal to you! Honesty: You value honesty a fair amount. You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it. If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it. In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity: You value generosity highly. So much so that you often put your own needs last. There's nothing wrong with having a caring heart... But you may want to rethink your "open wallet" policy. Humility: You value humility highly. You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are. And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better. You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low. Tolerance: You value tolerance highly. Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you... You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends. You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

You Are 56% Lady

You're part lady, part modern woman. Etiquette is important to you, but you brush aside rules that are outdated or silly.

Are You A Lady?

I LOVE identity/personality quizzes!

If I could, I would avoid work all day by taking these quizzes/questionnaires!
Here's some of the ones I just took now even though I should be grading papers and entering grades in my gradebook:

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you're concerned, that's a very good thing. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

You Are Cameo

You are understanding and very empathetic. You don't tend to have acquaintances. Everyone is your friend. And all of your friends tend to be friends. You have a knack for bringing very different people together.

What Color Orange Are You?

You Are an Optimist

You definitely see the sunny side of life, even when things aren't going so great. And while you may not be a realist, your optimism has really improved your quality of life. You have the energy to take charge, solve your problems, and enjoy life for what it is. Optimists are happier and healthier - so keep thinking positive!

Are You An Optimist or Pessimist?

You Are 84% Intuitive

Your intuition is so spot on it's scary! You can learn a lot about people and situations, simply by listening to your gut. And you've even wondered if you can predict the future at times. Just be sure not to always listen to your intuition... someday it could be wrong!

How Intuitive Are You?

Your Life is 88% Perfect

You truly have the perfect life. And you probably feel like the luckiest person in the world. You have a great career, family, and personal life. You have it going on!

How Perfect is Your Life?

Your Inner Color is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What's Your Inner Color?

You Are 80% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world. Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out. When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life. Your flirting style: Laid back Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm What you bring to relationships: Balance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books. You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more. For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests. A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

Your Power Element is Earth

Your power color: yellow Your energy: balancing Your season: changing of seasons Dedicated and responsible, you are a rock to your friends. You are skilled at working out even the most difficult problems. Low key and calm, you are happiest when you are around loved ones. Ambitious and goal oriented, you have long term plans to be successful.

What's Your Power Element?

If it is to be, it is up to me.

Don't wait for your ship to come in. Row out to meet it. –Anonymous

I am one of those people who definitely lives for today- in the NOW. In fact, it’s such a part of who I am, I remember being told constantly to be patient when I was a child. My mother would ask me why I was always in such a hurry. I couldn’t explain it then, but in retrospect, even as a kid I understood how fleeting time is and how fickle opportunity can be. Why wait until tomorrow to do something that I can do today? There might not even be a tomorrow. (This kind of thinking was probably cemented by my experiences with depression; I remember being especially passionate about seizing opportunities after my first suicide attempt at the tender age of 11.)

That said, I’m constantly working on finding a happy medium between my “do it now!” attitude and my grown-up reality. I think I may be working on it forever!

Me and My Marriage

There are many things in adult life that require preparation, and as a result, we spend much of our youth studying and learning in order to be as ready as possible for “real life.” But I think that maybe we’re spending our time on the wrong things. Take for instance, marriage. There aren’t any classes, from the elementary to the high school levels (and I can’t think of any in college either, but if I’m wrong, please enlighten me…and no, Sociology of Marriage doesn’t count because it studies marriage from an outsider’s viewpoint), that address the experience that is marriage. Sure, some would argue that learning to share crayons or to work cooperatively in groups leads to grown-ups (including those who get married) who have social skills, which are certainly necessary for marriage, as well as any relationship. However, we are all gypped by the absence of any class in the thirteen-plus years called our “education” that deals explicitly with how to have a pleasant marriage. By posting this blog entry and suggesting that I could benefit from such a course, I am admitting (without shame or guilt, I might add) that my marriage is sometimes not pleasant. This is not to say that it’s never pleasant; it’s just plagued a little too often by what I like to call Life (with a capital L because of its overbearing and immediate urgency that makes doing anything else impossible and unwise). My marriage was consistently pleasant for quite a while…before it existed anywhere but in my head! I could blame Hollywood, with its writers and directors and actors and producers who sell these movies and television shows that depict married life as some kind of journey of bliss to a destination called “Happily Ever After.” But that would be too easy. And it would get me no closer to my goal of a marriage that doesn’t ever make me think that swimming in an alligator-infested lake would be a lot more fun than being legally bound, “til death do us part,” to my husband.

 

I’ve come up with a series of courses that would be very helpful. All of these would be taken PRIOR to marriage (this would be a requirement for a marriage license, as would be a psychiatric evaluation and a pedigree chart of some kind, because that would be very helpful information!), and would all be taught by people who have been married at least 35 consecutive years to the same person. The instructors, in addition to their experience due to the lengths of their marriages, would also have considered divorce at least once, would have at least one child that they raised with their spouse, and would have had to deal with the realities of large, joint financial responsibilities, and in-laws. There would also be teachers with special experience who could enlighten us on how being married to a law enforcement officer, teacher, doctor, or mob boss (or anyone else with a life-encompassing job and/or schedule) affects the marital relationship in exceptional ways.

Pleasant Marriage 101 would deal with topics that are crucial to marital harmony, such as how to divide the household chores fairly, why putting the toilet seat down is hygienically necessary, how to separate laundry, picking up after one’s self, and how to interpret grunts, shrugs, evil looks, and blank stares.

Pleasant Marriage 102 would delve deeper into the topics that 101 introduced, but would also address how to accept an apology, how to make an apology, how to forgive, and how to make meaningful gestures of kindness.

Once people exhibited mastery of the tips revealed in 101 and 102, they could move on to Pleasant Marriage 201, which would be a semester-long course in why it’s a bad idea to interpret anything your spouse says, and would teach how to communicate clearly and honestly.

Pleasant Marriage 202 would then cover exceptions to the teachings of 201. (Because the truth is, sometimes communicating honestly is cruel. Like when, in our first or second year of marriage, my beloved husband told me that sometimes he tunes out while I’m talking. He should never have told me that.)

Pleasant Marriage 301 and 302 would exclusively address childbearing and its effects on marriage. One of the class’s pearls of wisdom will be to get all the crazy stuff out of your systems before a little bundle of joy makes its way into your life, because CPS frowns upon parents who do crazy things. And there would also be helpful snippets, like how to deal with paranoia and vomiting in public.

Pleasant Marriage 401 would be about major purchases and how to avoid an interruption in the pleasant-ness of your marriage because of them.

Pleasant Marriage 402 would be about how to preserve domestic harmony (in other words, how to come up with the money to hire help, and where to look to find the perfect house cleaner, nanny, cook, yard maintenance crew, or whoever else you might need so that you don’t argue over who should be taking care of these things).

Once students progressed successfully through 402, they would have to complete some kind of practicum/apprenticeship (with the person they’re considering marrying) for a minimum of  24 months (which is a relatively short time if you consider the amount of time that is really involved in spending the rest of your life with someone), during which time they’d have a mentor who would be watching for effective use of strategies and skills learned in the Pleasant Marriage classes. Upon successful completion of the practicum (which would happen as long as no one was murdered and the two people are still together and still want to get married), you could get married.

 

This is just a sample of the kinds of things I think about on Sunday afternoons…..

 

I like this!

Prayer For Protection

  By James Dillet Freeman
The Light of God surrounds you.
The Love of God enfolds you.
The Power of God protects you.
The Presence of God watches over you.
The Mind of God guides you.
The Life of God flows through you.
The Laws of God direct you.
The Power of God abides within you.
The Joy of God uplifts you.
The Strength of God renews you.
The Beauty of God inspires you.
Wherever you are, God is! 

 

 

The joys of the holidays...and other things

Here’s to 2008- may it be as varied and educational as 2007, but without the major depressive episode. Cheers!

I haven’t made any resolutions. George asked me if I had when we went out to dinner (alone! Without Alex!) the Sunday before New Year’s. I said I hadn’t because I have a mental list (in my head) of things I need to work on, so making resolutions would only add to an already long list and curse said list to be abandoned two weeks into the year. So now it’s time to share my list and report a bit on the progress:

My Improvement-NOT-Resolution List (items not listed in any particular order)

© Drink more water. I’ve been working on this particular goal since pregnancy, because there was a nurse in my OB’s office who scolded me whenever my urine had high levels of ketones, which indicates an absence of hydration. While I drink tons more water than I did during my pregnancy (also necessary because of post-baby constipation that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy), I don’t think I drink even 32 oz. a day. Sad, I know.

© Exercise more. This is a no brainer. I’ve always hated to run, but actually used to work out (I know, it’s amazing!). I used to love to go to the gym (until a woman’s body was found outside of the LA Fitness I frequented) and I used to drag myself there after work. Before I graduated from college, I spent lots of time at the SRC (Student Rec Center), which I loved, loved, loved. Alas, the most exercise I get now is the chasing/carrying/watching of Alex, and the occasional walk around the neighborhood with the family. I’m a couch potato, which is pathetic.

© Be better “put together.” On days when I’m tired and/or ill, anyone can tell because I don’t wear my contacts, do my hair, wear jewelry, or wear makeup. And the clothes are usually the bummiest (is that even a word?) I own. But I know that when I look good, it affects how I feel, so putting myself together well can help me to a)hide how tired/ill I am and b)make me feel a bit better.

© Control my emotions by controlling my thinking. This one comes from my stint in group therapy, and it’s AMAZING how powerful controlling my thinking is turning out to be. I’m not wasting my time by getting worked up (as much), and I’m more appreciative, empathetic, and confident. But I still have some work to do in this area. Mostly, I need to stop overanalyzing everything and create more definite boundaries.

© Get a graduate degree. I started a doctoral program…and then stopped. And then I started it again. And then stopped again. Each time, it was clear that I felt guilty about spending so much time and money on a pursuit that wasn’t about Alex. And then one day, I realized that Alex won’t be a little, demanding, bossy boy forever. He might not even want me to play trains with him. So I’ll finish my doctorate then. It’ll give me something to do while I mourn the fact that most boys grow up to be men who don’t have relationships with their mothers like the ones daughters have with their mothers (as it should be, because in my experience, a man who is too attached to his mother is about as useful as a fire with no heat on a cold day). And I found out that the company that now owns Rancho Solano will pay for my Masters degree. No need to feel guilty about money!

© Love my body. Sometimes (and I know this is going to sound weird), I have moments when I am so comfortable with myself (flaws and all) when I look in the mirror that it seems this particular goal is unnecessary. But the moments never last long before they are pushed out by anxiety about what other people think about how I look, or nostalgic thoughts about how I used to look or what size I used to be. But it’s important. Because my body is going to be a major part of my life until I die. Might as well make peace with it, right?

I have been on Winter Break since the weekend before Christmas. So has Alex. I was REALLY looking forward to the Break because my students were bouncing off the walls and I caught strep throat, plus I was burning the candle at both ends: I’d finished my Christmas shopping early, got the family to Picture People for the annual family photo and then printed a million copies of the photo, which I sent in Christmas cards; then I’d been busy hosting Thanksgiving (thank God for Marie Callendar’s), celebrating Alex’s birthday, and planning and throwing a pretty awesome birthday party for him. But when Break first started, I was a bit despondent. With the promise of two entire weeks of time that wasn’t structured, I slept a lot and sat around watching too much kiddie television. The fact that my presents hadn’t yet been wrapped, I hadn’t made my mom’s annual Christmas present (a calendar with pics of Alex and Tommy from the year) and my house looked like a toy fairy threw up in it only served to cause me anxiety and add to my blah feeling. By Christmas Eve, I was immobilized, but when the sun set, I was able to pull it together…and fall asleep with Alex at 8 p.m. (He had a high fever for two days, starting on the night before Christmas Eve and ending on the night of Christmas.) When I woke up Christmas morning, I frantically wrapped presents and finished my mom’s calendar. It’s a good thing that George put some stuff from Santa under the tree, because I didn’t put anything in our stockings. In retrospect, Christmas this year was glorious compared to last year’s Eara-is-getting-married-and-moving-and-the-wedding-reception-will-be-at-my-house fiasco. But it just seems like every year, something is neglected and/or forgotten until the last minute. In addition, it seems that I spend way too much time alone with my small child, and my perception of the world gets warped so that I forget that there are grown-ups with whom I can spend time and/or talk on the phone. So then I start getting….needy. Ugh.

Still, there have been nice things about this year’s holiday season. I read and finished a book (The Great Santa Search) and went through a few magazines, though there’s still a HUGE pile waiting to be read; we went to the Science Museum and Alex was able to sit through a whole hour of The Polar Express on the IMAX screen in 3D before we took mercy on the other members of the audience and left; George and I had a good laugh or two as we drove through the Church of Joy’s Celebration of Lights (Alex’s eyes were wide open and glued to his window so he could see everything), especially when the girl at the end said that if we “[felt] the need to pray after seeing all of the lights,” we could stop at their faith center; Eara and I went to see The Nutcracker at Symphony Hall and had the most fantastic seats we’ve ever had; Zoolights was cool, and there were these awesome, purple, LED lights that played tricks on my eyes; a hummingbird came right up to my arcadia door, which I believe to be a good omen; I got to have lunch with my LSP friends RobBob AND Tomika, which was great fun; Alex has learned the rhythm, melody and a lot of the lyrics of Jingle Bells and Santa Claus Is Coming to Town and loves to sing; and finally, though we didn’t get to do The Polar Express on the Grand Canyon Railway, I’ve already made reservations for next year! We’ve even got a couple more holiday events before the twelfth day of Christmas, which is on Sunday (Christmas is NOT over yet, despite Target’s efforts toward making you feel that you’re already behind in your preparations for Valentine’s Day- though really, what is there to do??). Tomorrow night we will be going to McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park to ride the train through their light display, and Saturday night we will visit the Wild Winter Nights at the Wildlife World Zoo for the first time.

Once Christmas is over, I get to go back to work, about which I’m actually happy (a good sign, considering last year’s employment situation), and I get to break it to Alex that no matter how many times he sings it, Santa Claus won’t be coming back to town for a while. Not so excited about this last thing. But it’s bound to be easier than potty training.