Tomika and her Five F's

Since she admitted that she did not trademark her Five F's, I hope she doesn't mind that I'm sharing them in my public blog...

I had lunch with a good  friend today. I've known Tomika since the summer of '97 when I prayed (silently, of course) that the "loud Black girl" (lmao- especially because I am sometimes that girl) would NOT come sit next to me during our ASU LSP orientation. Of course, she sat next to me, and my life has been SO much the better for it. I have many memories that include Tomika...from the crazy outfit shopping at Savers for our Freshman skit (I wonder if Rob-Bob still has those pants with the upside-down ducks on them?) to the night she met my future husband and declared him "good people," to the night I called her, sobbing hysterically, when the two people who mattered most in the world to me were in separate emergency rooms and I was frantically driving back and forth between them (which, in hindsight, I had no business doing)...and she helped me pull it together. There are others, of course, but those are the ones that just now popped into my head.

As I've mentioned in a previous blog, Tomika is the strong voice in my head that keeps me going whenever I feel like spontaneously combusting. And today, she shared with me her plan for 2011: The Five F's. They are, in no particular order, Family, Fitness, Fun, Finances, and Faith. (She says that Food isn't one of them, but I think Food and Fitness could go together, as part of fitness is making good choices about food, which is the fuel that makes all the other F's possible...besides, I like food!)

Anyway, Tomika impressed the heck out of me, which isn't unusual...most of the people I know impress the heck out of me and either a) inspire me to emlulate their greatness, or b) make me acutely aware of my non-greatness, or c) both a & b. So I may have to adopt her plan or modify it a bit in development of my own. Her strong voice in my head is saying that it's a good idea.

Smarty Pants

Alex is convinced that he knows everything, a sentiment he shared with me this afternoon in the car. We were discussing the rest of our day's agenda (including completing some of his homework that should've been done a week ago!) after a fruitful excursion to Fry's Marketplace (we scored two awesome lighted Christmas decorations for $6.25 each due to their 75% off everything Christmas sale!). When I suggested that he might want to keep studying to become smarter, he replied, "I'm already smart, and I already know everything." Oh boy.

Sadly, Alex probably does know "everything" when it comes to me. He knows that he came from my tummy, that I'm married to his father, etc. What is sad is that he also knows that Mommy has some days when she's very sad, cries a lot, or is in a generally bad mood. I have explicitly told him that my bad days are NEVER because of him. He has already proven himself to be a sensitive child, but what strikes me most significantly are his quiet ways of dealing with my depression. For instance, he has instituted "Hug Time," which is when we drop everything to give each other big, bear hugs. Alex is also incredibly good about making sure that no one feels left out during our family moments. He gives "equal time" to both myself and George by insisting that we take turns when playing games, riding rides, choosing movies, or merely sitting next to him on the couch. I am never "permitted" to stay home when he and George make impromptu trips, and though I often feel like I am being dragged along, I appreciate my wise son's insistence that I engage in his activities, and as a result, in life.

How did he become so emotionally, interpersonally savvy? Perhaps his inability to remember to flush the toilet every time (or his selective hearing) is explained by all the energy he's putting into loving his family- and me. Somehow, he has already figured out how to prioritize! Maybe, in his own little 6 year-old way, he really does know everything. I'm so proud...and eternally grateful.

The Circle of [my] Life

This time of year always causes me to be reflective. Perhaps it's the 200% more sleep I get as soon as Winter Break starts. Maybe it's the lack of children following me around, poking me, and saying, "Mrs. Davis," in varying tones of urgency and at different noise levels (very distracting). Whatever the reason, I have time to think, and if I've learned anything in the last decade, it's that thinking time can be as bad as it is good.

For me, time to think means looking back on everything I've accomplished, relishing the amazing moments and wondering where my brilliance, strength, and/or charm came from. Honestly, I'm still not sure how Alex has turned into such a lively, positive, considerate child; nor do I remember how I survived my consistent fog of exhaustion that was his first year of life.

Unfortunately, I end up spending the bulk of my free time focusing on my mistakes, failures, inability to  accomplish all the fantastic things I thought about doing, and how much disappointment I have caused. I try to be constructive, reminding myself that true power and success have nothing to do with quantity and everything to do with quality and prioritization. And then I end up spending at least one entire day in bed lamenting my inaction and putting my negative soundtrack on a loop so I can listen to it over and over again. Luckily, this year I was able to pull myself out of the dark abyss, though in previous years, that has not been the case more often than not. I see this as progress, even if I am mostly horrified that it happens at all.

I will be completely fine again once the second semester of school starts and I become immersed in work and in the day-to-day routines that I've established for Alex. Truly, doing for others takes away depressed thoughts like nothing else! I'll long for days of having nothing pressing on my agenda during which I spend a very large amount of time doing nothing of note. And I will forget how dangerous time to think can be for me, at least until the Christmas season rolls around again. Maybe when it does, I'll be ready.