Yikes!

My 11th high school reunion is on April 26th. The fact that it's the 11th year and not the 10th speaks volumes about what type of event it may very well be and what sort of group is hosting it (at least, in my opinion). The Class of '97 never was good about this sort of thing- we were probably the only Senior Class in the history of Greenway High School Homecomings to lose the Homecoming Float competition four years in a row....to the class behind us, which also happens to be my overachieving sister's Class.

I have until this Wednesday to decide if I want to go to the aforementioned celebration. George has already ageed to go with me as my "trophy husband" (thoughtful, isn't he?) and I have an idea what I might wear. But I have mixed feelings about going. First, I have kept in touch with everyone I care about from my high school days (for the most part). If I go to the reunion, my luck dictates that I will run into people who I have been grateful to be away from for the past 11 years. Like my stalker (whose name escapes me), to whom Brent Simmons unwittingly gave my phone number during Senior year (though it's possible that he'll be unable to attend because he may or may not be incarcerated). Second, those I haven't kept in touch with happen to have MySpace pages, so I can at least talk to them a little. And there's nothing wrong with a little distance to keep things friendly. Third, I weigh about 80 lbs. more than I did when I graduated from high school, which doesn't matter to me as much as I thought it would, but I know I will notice if someone appears to be 80 lbs. heavier. I won't judge them for being heavier, but I do know that I will notice (and comment to George) if they don't look good or happy. I'm not so sure that I look so good, and these days I don't look too happy. And I'm certainly not as cute and young as I was (though my homeopathic doctor told me last week that I'm looking radiant- George thought he was hitting on me, which makes his compliment questionable and slightly less valid). Finally, I was such a go-getter in high school (though it was at the expense of my sanity, well-being, and sense of calm...NO ONE knew about my home life or my depression). I was the prom queen my senior year (that year we were the Duke and Duchess) and was nominated for homecoming queen. I sang the National Anthem at my graduation. I was the Rotary Student of the Year. I could go on and on to point out everything I used to be that I am not any longer. I was amazing and competitive, and I don't feel like much of either any more. These days, my grandest achievements are my son, but I can no longer attribute my body size to baby weight, plus his being adorable is really none of my doing, as I have no control over my genetics; my 8 year marriage that has, quite frankly, seen better days; and my ability to not hide under the covers or in my closet on a bad day. I actually avoid the types of things on which I thrived in high school (and even college). My life is sooooooo different from what it was, and thankfully so. Where it was once frenzied and complex, it is now simple and blessedly uneventful. If I was sure that the reunion won't be a "who's done the most amazing things?" contest, I would go in a heartbeat.

In my mind, a little voice is pointing out that all of what I've mentioned above could be true for other reunion attendees. But unless I can convince myself that 11 years has mellowed everyone out, I likely won't be going. Then again, no one is so on top of it that this happened last year, like it should have, so maybe there's hope!

The Trains Have Taken Over!

It's been a while. Since the last time I wrote, I suffered the effects of the Writers' Strike (lots of Noggin kiddie shows and reality TV), witnessed my husband spend about $500 on Thomas the Tank Engine paraphinalia (sp?) for our son, officially decided to postpone my Ed.D. and persue a Masters from NAU, and have survived a very ugly period in my marriage. Actually, that's not over yet...but out of respect for my husband, I will refrain from commenting on that here.

Mood wise, I have been stable. I am so proud to type that! I have my periods of woe, but I can pick myself up out of them. I'm even beginning to get over my fear that I could slip back into a depressive episode at any moment, because I know that I can control my thinking, which affects my feelings.

Now that my mood isn't holding me hostage, the trains have taken over my home and my life. Here's a picture to help you imagine:


That particular picture isn't as good at showing exactly how much STUFF we now have in our living room area. Here's another:


At first I was intrigued by these wooden trains with facial features, but now I think I've become disenchanted. I can't even remember what my house looked like pre-Alex!

My one comforting thought is that I might be able to make a pretty penny on all the trains and the accessories on Ebay...